How To Talk About Disability With Your Date

Clearly, if you are using a disabled matchmaking service like dating for disabled, your expectation from the relationship is to date someone else with a disability. Clearly, you are not going to need to "disclose" the face that you have a disability with them. But just because you both have a disability or medical condition, does not mean you necessarily have the same kind, or for that matter want to talk about it. Just because you met on a disabled dating site does not mean this is a topic of conversation that is necessarily on the table. The other side of this, is of course, that your date may have a strong aversion to talking about their disability with you. So despite the fact that everything is on the table, as far as you both know about the situation, it is still a topic of conversation that should be approached with some degree of care, caution and tact. 

1. Let your date know off the bat what you are and aren't comfortable talking about. This doesn't need to be an awkward conversation, just put it out there what topics are off the table until such a time that you feel comfortable enough with them to talk about it. If you are in a wheelchair or paralyzed after a car accident, if you have a medical condition that has symptoms you aren't comfortable discussing, let them know politely that that is the case. Don't expect them to guess what you won't talk about.

2. If you bring it up: ask them if it's a topic they are happy to discuss, and if not, drop it! They will talk about it. if and when they are ready to do so.

3. When you both feel ready to have that conversation (it may be online, it may be on your first date, and it may be further on in the relationship). Whenever it may be, it is a subject that's important to talk about. You should get to know these thing about one another, and talk about those things that shaped your personality and who you are. One of the reasons people with disabilities sometimes prefer to date other people who also have a disability, is because they will understand. Having that kind of person to talk to and lean on is the foundation of any good relationship.

4. Be sensitive and understanding- don't forget that all experiences are subjective, and should be treated as such. Some things in life may have been easier for you to deal with than for them.
Same goes for comparison- don't compare yourself to them, don't try and compare who had a harder/better time of things. Just accept them for who they are and support them for it.

5. Take the time to talk about these things with the person you are dating- especially if their health related issues that can effect the relationship. Or in general things you think they should know. If there are things you can't do and it effects them then you should give them a heads up about it.

6.  Be supportive and let them know they can be open about these things with you- make it a safe space for them to talk about their medical issues and disability with that. The more approachable you are, the more likely that they will bring these

Date a Person For Who They Are- Not Who They Can Be

One of the biggest mistakes we make when it comes to off and online dating is assuming that someone can change, or for that matter want's to change. Being human we want to believe that what we see in front of us is potential and not a "final product". There are a few dangers that stem from this kind of thinking, the first is we are unable to see and appreciate the person standing right in front of us. We are unable to recognize that what they say and do is indeed who they are, and respect that that's who they want to be. The second problem, is we delude ourselves that we can mold and shape the person we are dating into who we want them to be. This kind of thinking and assuming not only potentially harms the budding relationship, but it can also harm the person you are dating, and cause them to think they are not good enough. Finally, it harms you, because you are ignoring reality and assuming you can change it, and in tern you are wasting your own time. You are spending time with someone that you are unhappy with, hoping they will change and that will fix the relationship, and they will tern into the kind of partner you have always wanted.
When you approach other dating for disabled profiles you have to bare in mind that who they say they are, and what they are looking for in a partner is indeed true. If they clearly state that they don't want a family, or aren't looking for anything long term you have to believe them. You can't assume that you are going to change their mind. You can't look at the person you are dating through the "he's almost perfect if only..." and then try and make them so.
It all starts from the very beginning, from the first time you see their online disabled dating profile and decide if they look like someone worth messaging. It all begins with making a conscious decision only to chat to people you feel have something in common with you and are looking fro the same things as you. Chatting to them can also give you a sense of who they are and what they want from a  relationship. If right off the bat they are someone that you don't picture yourself dating, then move on. You won't like everyone you talk to, and that's perfectly OK. Don't feel guilty turning people down because they aren't what you are looking for.
Sometimes people change, they get more or less ambitious, they decide they want different things in life, they change their sense of style, and so on. But you can safely assume that you aren't going to "fix them up"; people are no apartments, or DIY projects. You have to learn to appreciate the person you are dating as who they are, and if they aren't right for you now, they are probably never going to be.

What Not to Do On Online Dating

There are a lot of things you can do right when using an online dating service, but there are also a number of things you can do very wrong! There are things that if you would like to successfully meet another dating4disabled member you should NOT do. We put together a list of things that you should avoid doing when using an any kind of online matchmaking site:

1. Expect that other people are always going to write you back, and when they don't send them angry messages asking them why they didn't answer your message. It happens, sometimes you will send another dating for disabled member a message on the site, and they just won't write back. So don't only send one person a message and then get disappointed you didn't receive a reply, send out a few! (Just don't forget to personalize them properly, the last thing you want to do is write a template and send out 50 messages that are all the same).

2. Comment on people's physical appearance or disability. Don't make remarks about how pretty/attractive another dating4disabled member is, because you are much less likely to have them reply. Steer clear about small talk that involves disability, until you have gotten to know them a little better. At that point, you will know what they are, and aren't comfortable talking about. Yes, everyone on the site is living with a disability, but everyone has their own comfort level about when it is or isn't OK to talk about it.

3. Be negative- this means anything from a long list of things you don't want and aren't interested in, alongside a list of people who shouldn't contact you. Sending other D4D members messages that contain negative language is a sure way of not getting any replies. Anyway you spin it, people on dating sites who use positive language to describe themselves and what they are looking for in another person, get a lot more responses to their profiles.

4. Not be part of the community- dating for disabled is a lot more than just an online dating site. As you've seen, we also have blogs and forums. A great way to meet and connect with other people is using them to share your thoughts and ideas. Participating in the community is just a great way to get noticed, and other than meet other people with disabilities to date, you can also end up making some amazing friends.  

5. Play games with people- if you're messaging back and fourth with someone don't do things like wait 4 days to message them back. Or suddenly lose interest and stop replying to their messages. That said, you probably shouldn't overwhelm them with tons of messages all at once. Find a balance that works; as times goes by, you will probably message each-other more often, but it's quite alright to ease into it. There is no right or wrong, or some sort if golden rule when it comes to the frequency of messages on an online dating site. You should go at a pace that works for the two of you.

6. Push a meet-up- just because you feel ready to meet for a first date, doesn't mean the other person is. Don't push them to meet up if they aren't quite ready. But more importantly, don't take it personally, there may be a hundred reasons why they aren't ready to go on a first date, those reasons are about them, not about you. Be patient! If you talk them into rushing into things, it may very well backfire on you.

7. Get frustrated- it takes time to get used to how a dating site works, to work out how to write a proper messages, and get your user profile just right. It also takes time to get to know some people and decide that they are right to go out with. It takes time. We sometimes think that we will sign up for an online dating site, and like everything else online it will be instantaneous. But that isn't the case, if you're not looking for casual encounters, and want to meet someone else to build a serious relationship with, these things don't just happen overnight- you have to invest time and energy in them.

8. Be sleazy or a cliche- avoid bad pickup lines when you write to people, avoid using silly cliches in the about me section of your profile (everyone loves to laugh and smile!). Be original, and be yourself! People are just much less likely to respond to pickup lines and silly cliches, so don't use them!

Good luck!

Have a Great Week!

It's a new week! Hope it's a good one! Start off your week by checking out which dating4disabled members are now online!
Have a great week guys!
http://dating4disabled.com/user/search/advanced?users%5Bonline%5D%3D1

How Not to Get Bitter About Online Dating

Look, online dating isn't a magical solution, you have to work hard, and it takes time to find someone you can see yourself having a serious relationship with. That said, the biggest pitfall you will encounter with online dating is losing patience and giving up on the whole thing. Here are some great ideas on how to not get fed up and subsequently give up. Because hey, it may be a cliche, but it's very likely that there is someone on dating4disabled that you can end up meeting and falling in love with, and if you get fed up too soon, you probably won't get a chance to meet.

1. Don't go on dates for the sake of going on dates: just because someone asked doesn't mean you are in anyway obligated to go out with them. If you don't feel you are forming any kind of connection then either give it a little more time before meeting, or don't go out with them at all. There is nothing that will depress you more than going on a bunch of bad dates! So don't do it, just say no to people you don't feel like you have any chemistry with.

2. Don't wait too long before going on a date with another online dating site member: you shouldn't meet up with someone before you feel comfortable (and always remember, with online dating, safety first). But if you wait for months before going on a first date, you may end up building it up in your head way too much. They may tern out to be not at all like their online persona. Or you may find you have no chemistry at all with them (they may also be the most wonderful person you have ever met). But if they don't turn out to be the one for you, especially after months of expectations, it may cause you to resent online dating, and even give up on going out with anyone.

3. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket: the point of using a disabled matchmaking service is that you can chat to a few people who you liked the look of their profile. Don't only message one person, message a dozen! They may have forgotten to shut down their profile, they may not be interested, & they may have already met someone, you never know. So don't only send out one or two messages and then give up on the whole thing, because you may end up missing out on something truly awesome.

4. Don't go out with people who are only looking for a bit of fun or casual encounters: just don't message people or message them back if you're looking for a proper relationship. If what you want is someone for a long term relationship, and they don't, that's their right so long as they were upfront about it. If you arrange to meet up with someone who isn't really looking to date, you're wasting their time, and more importantly, yours.

5. Remember that no one has to go out with you: if you message another dating for disabled member and they don't write back, don't bother sending them an angry follow-up message. If someone is unable, or too rude to reply to a message then move on. Even if you really liked their profile/profile picture, there is someone out there who is more suited to you.

6. Complain to a friend: confide in a friend about the whole process. Don't be embarrassed to say you're using an online matchmaking service, everyone does. Having someone to share the process with will make good dates a lot more fun, and bad ones a lot more tolerable.

Good luck! -Admin D4D

How to Make a Good First Impression on a First Date

One of the things we worry about most on a first date is making a good first impression. Sometime because we really like the person, or because we made a great connection with them while chatting on dating for disabled. Whatever the reason, as people we always like to leave a good first impression, and even more-so when it comes to a first date. Here are some things to think about before, and during the date:

1. Show up on time- being late to a first date sends the messages that your time is more valuable than theirs. Make sure to get there on time, and if for some reason you are running late, make sure to call them up and properly apologize for it.

2. Dress nicely- you don't have to go out and buy new clothes, but make the effort to look presentable. It shows your date that you care about impressing them.

3. Listen and be genuinely interested in what they have to say. Recall things they said from conversations you had with them online. Showing that you listen and care is a sure way to win over your date.

4. Relax and smile- not like a maniac, but enough to put your date at ease. When you were messaging back and forth on dating4disabled it was much harder to convey tone and body language, so now that you are face to face, make sure to alleviate the tension by smiling.

5. Be funny- not in a forced sort of way, but showing off your charming sense of humor is a wonderful way to break the ice.

6. Flirt! If you genuinely started to make a connection on a matchmaking site, and then arranged to meet up for a date, there is probably already some chemistry there- so why not build on it?

7. Don't be too pushy- you may have been talking for ages, but it's still your first date. so don't come with too many expectations. Don't expect physical contact, and don't expect to be invited back afterwords. Take things slowly, and see where they go. It's only a first date, and there is no reason to get ahead of yourself.

8. Always offer to at least split the check (either that, or cover the whole thing)- yes, even if they offered to pay, you should at least make the symbolic gesture of pulling your wallet out; the nicest way of accepting is going "thanks!I'll get the next one". Also, if you offered to cover the check, do it graciously.

9. If asked where to go, never suggest anywhere expensive- even if you can afford it, you don't know what your date's income is, or if they are living off disability, so choose a reasonably priced coffee shop to sit in.

10. don't get intoxicated- alcohol is not a good way to go, also for online dating safety reasons, and also, because you don't want to get sloppy and act silly.

11. Be genuinely nice and kind- this may seem obvious, but unfortunately it isn't. Even if they weren't what you expected, even if they don't look like their online dating profile picture, even if there is no chemistry, and even if thee date doesn't go well. Just because you don't see a future past this first date, doesn't mean that you should scare them off online dating sites, and dating in general. Sometimes, first dates just don't work out, that's dating. But try and be as nice as possible about the whole thing, because they will go on to date other people, and you don't want to scar them, or put them off dating.

12. Get out of your own head- if they don't like you it wasn't meant to be, but if you keep constantly worrying about whether or not you're making a good first impression, you will just end up acting flustered and nervous. Relax, enjoy the company of this other person, and hopefully it will work out. But if you are unable to enjoy yourself it will show.

On the 4th of July Dating4Disabled Will Be Opening Its Doors!

Hey dating4disabled members! In honor of the 4th of July all Dating for disabled members will be able to send and receive as many messages as they like.
From MONDAY THE 7TH of JULY, 8am (east coast time), until Tuesday the 8th-8am (east coast time), you can log-onto dating4disabled and read your messages with no limitations.
Even if you live in another country this is open to you (just make sure to check the time difference so you don't get the window wrong). You don't need to sign up for this anywhere or win anything- this is open to everyone so long as you have and active disabled dating profile. If you don't, now would be a great opportunity to register for the site (juts click here to do that).
Don't miss out on this one off amazing opportunity, and make sure you are around on the 7th!
If you have any questions about this, feel free to email us at: office@dating4disabled.com

How to Flirt on an Online Dating Site

If you've finally found another dating for disabled member that you genuinely like, there is probably going to be a lot of back-and-forth going on. But how do you convey flirting through a key-bored?! Some people find it hard enough flirting with someone face to face, and then you can at least use tone and body language to convey interest. But when you're using a disabled matchmaking service, or any online dating site, it isn't always easy to get your point across without some of it getting lost. 
Here are some simple things that can help you flirt on an online dating site:

1. Always keep your tone upbeat and positive.

2. If you're being joking or sarcastic make sure to use an emoticon so the other dating4disabled member get's that you're joking. Otherwise you can just end up having awkward misunderstandings.

3. Be blunt- if you really like someone, and want to meet them for a coffee date, tell them that. It isn't always easy to convey interest in another person you are in the same room with, let alone when you can't see their facial expressions. Being upfront helps clear up a lot of the uncertainty. They might not be interested, but hey, at least then you will know where things stand!

4. Give them positive feedback- did they tell you they enjoy spending time chatting to you on the site? If you're also enjoying their company, make sure to tell them so.

5. Confront people who you feel are playing games with you- if you feel someone is stringing you along, or if you aren't sure where you stand- ask them. Lay your cards on the table: "I like you, would you like to meet up sometime?" If you signed up for dating4disabled to meet another disabled single, don't waist your time on people who aren't serious! It's OK to give people the time to feel comfortable enough to go on a date, but if you get the feeling that they are messing you around not out of genuine place, and they won't give you a strait answer after you asked them out, maybe it's time to move on.

6. Arrange a skype/phone date before going out on a real one. Chat on the phone for a little while before meeting up; this will allow you to ease into the date a little, but also hear their tone of voice, and it's a great opportunity to be a little more playful and flirty- this just helps convey interest, and lighten the mood (as far as easing any tension or awkwardness their might be).

Good luck guys!
For more dating advice, check out our blog on the site: http://www.dating4disabled.com/pages/74

Early Relationship Romance- How Much is Too Much Romance?

When you start dating someone new, there is always that short period of time when you don't actually know what they like as far as being romanced, but you feel socially obligated to do things like: bring flowers, buy chocolates and wine, or plan elaborate dates that end up costing you both a small fortune.

Which begs the question: how much romance is too much romance?

If you've started dating another dating for disabled member and you are just at the budding stages of your relationship, you may very well be constantly worried about whether or not you are making a good impression, and what over-the-top things can you be doing in order to insure that they like you.

The problem with going over the top is this: 1. It isn't going to necessarily guarantee someone will like you. 2. It costs a lot of money you don't necessarily have. Don't forget, that quite a few dating for disabled members are living off disability or a fixed income. If make a romantic gesture, the person you are dating will probably feel the need to reciprocate it, even if they don't have the financial means. 3. You don't know them that well, and you may even be doing things that they don't like. What if you've been buying them flowers, and they suffer from avid hay-fever? The bottom line is this, being romantic means making sweet gestures the other person will appreciative, and given that you've only been dating for a short while, how can you be sure they are really appreciating what you are doing?

Moreover, you may cause them to feel that it's too much too soon! It's ok to slowly ease into things. Save up the romance for later on in the relationship.

So, here are a list of alternative gestures, that may not be after-school special worthy, but they will help you make a good impression on the dating 4 disabled member you are currently going out with:

1. Listen! Make a conscious effort to listen and get to know the person you are dating. You can impress them by casually slipping back into the conversation things they said on a previous occasion, or from when you were chatting on the dating site. Trust me, this will earn you way more brownie points than flowers.

You may have already gotten to know quite a bit about them whilst you were chatting on dating for disabled, but that isn't to say there isn't a lot more to learn!

2. Show up on time, be respectful, and be genuinely interested in what they have to say!

3. Make small gestures- if you've been going out for a month or so, do nice things for each-other. If you go shopping buy them that bar of chocolate that they love. Or buy their favorite cake for dessert.


We tend to just assume that romance is what we see on TV, but it isn't! It's the little things we do for the people that we are dating simply to show that we care about them. If you want to make someone feel warm and fuzzy inside you don't need to fork out the cash for a 5 star restaurant, you need to listen to what they say and do things that you know will make them happy, not things you think SHOULD make them happy.

At the end of the day, while you may have been chatting on dating for disabled for ages before going out, you still have to take things slowly. Don't get ahead of yourself when it comes to big romantic gestures, and get to know the person you are going out with.  

If you aren't yet a D4D member, click on this link to register for the site: http://www.dating4disabled.com/sign_up

How to Deal With Lots of Frustrating First Dates

You don't always meet your perfect match on the first try. Well some people do, but it is fairly rare, so you will probably end up going on a few first dates before meeting someone you can actually envision settling down with. But first dates can sometimes be boring, awkward, or just not that much fun. On the other hand sometimes they are a lot of fun, but there just isn't that chemistry there. After a few bad first dates, you can end up being really annoyed/frustrated with the whole thing, and some people give up entirely. Here are some great tips that will help you plow through that frustration, and find your perfect somebody.

1. Don't just go on dates for the sake of going on dates! If you force yourself to go on dates just because someone asked, or you feel bad declining, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Yes, you may be pleasantly surprised, but chances are you just won't have fun. Only arrange a date with another dating for disabled member you genuinely feel a connection with.

2. Don't go on long dates- keep dates short! Ellen once said that coffee isn't a date, it's an interview for a date. That's exactly how you should look at it. Have a cup of coffee with someone, see how you like them, and then decide if things are worth perusing. If every date you go on with a dating for disabled member lasts three to four hours, of course you will very quickly get tired of dating.

3. Laugh about it! Have a sense of humor about the whole process, and if you had a really awful date, call up a friend and talk about it. I don't mean make fun of the person you went out with, just laugh at the situation.

4. Keep the faith! Sometimes, what you need is to keep reminding yourself that the goal is to meet someone for a serious relationship, and yes, to quote the famous cliche- sometimes you need to kiss a few toads before you find your prince (or princess)! 

For more dating advice, check out our blog on dating for disabled http://www.dating4disabled.com/pages/74

Old Fashioned Dating vs. Modern Dating- Adjusting Expectation

A generation or two ago, dates used to be much better defined, and much more formal. The man would ask out a lady that he liked, he would pick her up, maybe even bring her a bunch of flowers, and they would set off together for some sort of dinner and a movie combo. There are a few reasons why in most cases this doesn't work today, and why you should adjust your expectations accordingly. 

1. Safety- these days, you are probably less likely to be dating someone from down the street, and more likely to be using an online dating service. Or even possibly someone you met in a bar, or coffee shop. If once you had some idea who your date was, and they anyway knew where you lived, today we are much more aware that we shouldn't go around giving our home address to complete strangers. We shouldn't expect someone to offer to pick us up before a date, and more importantly, we shouldn't accept even if they do offer! With online dating services, safety always comes first!

2. Definition- today, people tend to avoid defining one on one intimate interactions as dates. This may be for fear of rejection, but "would you like to go on a date with me" has somehow turned into "you know, we should hang-out sometime". This is one trend you should not give into! Nicely demand to know if hanging-out means a date. It might cause and awkward moment, but it's way better than sitting on a two hour date wandering if it's really a date.

3. Location- these days dinner and a movie can be pretty pricey. Some people don't have that kind of money (especially if you are living off disability), so it isn't fair to expect more than a cup of coffee on a first date. Moreover, if you show up and there is no chemistry, better a quick cup of coffee, than a four hour date.

4. The guy has to be the one to ask the girl out- the great thing about online dating is that either of you can suggest meeting up for a date, it doesn't have to be the man. If you met another dating for disabled member that you like, ask them out! You can't be passive when it comes to online dating services.

5. Physical contact- don't come with expectation for a good night kiss or anything else. If the moment is right and you are both feeling into each-other, then go for it. But take it slowly, and be respectful of the person you are with. Not everyone wants physical contact on a first date, so respect that.

Getting Over the Fear of Using a Disabled Dating Service

Getting over the fear of using a disabled dating service isn't easy. Some people worry that is isn't socially acceptable to use online dating sites, they worry what people will think. Not to mention the worry of actually having to put yourself out there, partnered with a fear of rejection. Deciding to sign up for online dating isn't as easy for some as it is for others. We have put together a list of "worries" and possibly some ideas that might help put your mind at ease:

1. "Online dating isn't safe"- online dating is exactly like regular dating, just like you wouldn't invite a person you met five minutes ago at a bar into your home, don't do so for people you met online. If you read up on all of the safety tips and use some common sense you will be absolutely fine.

2. "I'm afraid of getting hurt"- this albeit rational fear, is true for all forms of dating. In order to open yourself up to a meaningful relationship, you are also opening yourself up to rejection and heartbreak.
But don't sell yourself short by avoiding meaningful connections!

3. "I'm afraid of being rejected because of my disability"- if you've had bad experiences in the past because you were rejected simply because of your disability, dating 4 disabled is the place for you. One of the wonderful things about the site is how warm and friendly its members are to one another. People log-on to the site to meet and connect with other people who also have disabilities.

4. "I'm afraid of what people will think"- just like all of our social interactions happen on facebook/twitter/instagram and so on, why should dating be any different?

5 "Online dating is only for desperate people"- there are so many wonderful people out there, that fate will never allow you to cross paths with. Maybe they live in a different town or country, maybe you have no friends in common with them. Online dating sites help bring you in contact with a larger number of disabled singles than you would otherwise not meet in "real" life.

6. "Everyone on online dating sites are just looking for casual encounters"- this isn't the case, of course there are those dating sites and apps that specialize in matchmaking of that nature, and there are people who are looking for that. But this is where your judgment and strategy come in. If you are looking for a serious relationship, don't waist your time on people who state in their profile that they are not interested in anything long-term. It's completely up to you who you talk to, and how much time you spend talking to them. If you feel someone is messing you around don't put up with it! It's as simple as that.

I Found a Fake Profile on Dating for Disabled, What Do I Do?

Many dating site users tend to suspect a profile is fake, and move on- they don't report it, or do anything about it. Possibly because they second guess themselves, and worry about making a mistake, or don't trust their own judgment. Or possibly because they feel guilty about reporting another member. For whatever reason, they decide to ignore a profile that may or may not be real.

Why is this bad? It's bad to ignore a profile you suspect is fake, because whilst you may understand this person isn't a genuine user, other people may not. That is why reporting is so important, it helps keep the community safe. 

The first thing you need to know is that there is a report button: every user profile on dating for disabled has a "Report Abuse" button. The button is located at the top and bottom of the profile page pop up, and is really easy to use. Simply click "report abuse":

After you've done that, please tell us why you think this user isn't genuine. Does their profile look suspicious? Did they text you asking for money? Give us some idea of why you decided to report them. The more info you can give us the better! But that said, you can also go with your gut feeling, if something doesn't feel right about a profile you should report him anyway! Let us do the work of looking into it.

You can read here a little bit more about how to spot a fake online profile: http://admind4d.blogspot.co.il/2014/05/how-to-tell-if-profile-is-fake-online.html

Once you've successfully filled out the report box (this should take you about a minute) we will receive it and review your request. We review all abuse reports within a couple of days and remove and block users that are found to be fake. Please note that with paying members it may take a little bit longer. 

Don't worry about getting someone into trouble, we don't remove members without a proper investigation! 

If the member you reported was deleted you will no longer see them on the site. If the now blocked member sent you a message, it will disappear from your dating for disabled inbox.

If the member was not removed, it is because we did not find anything wrong with them. That said, feel free to report them again if you think we missed something (but please try and explain what you think we missed).

Help us keep dating for disabled safe, and don't be afraid to use the report button!

Should Your Online Dating Profile Talk About Marriage?

One of the things we are always told about dating is you shouldn't talk about marriage and kids too quickly. After all, nobody likes things to progress too quickly, because that can cause unwanted stress. But what about online dating, how can we weed out all of those people really looking for casual encounters and find those who want a serious relationship if we cant put "marriage" in the looking for section of our online dating profile.
How do we find that tricky balance between scaring off potential partners on online dating sites, but also not getting stuck with only messages from people looking for casual encounters
But don't worry, it is possible!
The key to doing it successfully is phrasing! You should state that you are looking for a serious relationship, but stay away from negative phrasing like: "I'm not looking to be messed around". Keep to what you are looking for, and not what you aren't looking for. There is no reason not to advertise that you know what you want, and who should apply (aka message you on the site).
But that said, the amount of detail is what throws the whole thing off. Try and avoid describing your dream life; a good dating site profile should say "looking for a serious relationship" and end there. Avoid phrases like: "I'm looking for a loving person to marry and start a family with". It's too much! The first stage to marriage is meeting someone you actually like, and have a connection with- set your sites on that. Look for a person to connect with, and once you've actually met up, been one a few dates, and started really picturing that this may be someone you can spend your future with, then talk about it.
It's not that you shouldn't tell another dating for disabled members that what you want is to get married and have kids, it's when you should you tell someone. That's the point.

Are You All-In?

This post is about the importance of taking on-line dating seriously, and asking yourself one vital question: are you all in? You've made the first few steps: you've chosen a dating site that you like, and you've started the registration process, now, this is where things start going wrong. This is the first place where people using online dating services mess-up: they very half-halfheartedly fill out their profile. 

1. You aren't going to make any genuine connections with other dating for disabled members unless you put a lot of effort into your profile! You can read up on how to do that here: http://admind4d.blogspot.co.il/2014/04/how-to-fill-out-your-online-dating.html
You profile is a virtual representation of who you are, and what kind of person you are looking to date, if you don't take it seriously, you aren't going to be taken seriously. Make sure you put the right amount of thought and effort into filling it out.

2. You haven't posted a photo. You shouldn't feel pressured into posting a photo of yourself until you feel ready and comfortable, but you should also know, that profiles without photos get less responses. You could be dragging your feet because you feel embarrassed or insecure about posting a picture, both of these feelings are valid. But using online dating is a little bit like jumping into a cold swimming pool, at some point you have to stop sticking your big toe in, and just take the plunge! If you want to find love on dating 4 disabled, you have to commit to it all the way, and part of that commitment is working up the courage to put yourself out there with a photo.

3. You don't approach other members. Online dating is about being proactive! You can't just sit behind your key-board and wait for someone to contact you, it doesn't always work that way. If you aren't sure how to write a message you can use our guide: http://admind4d.blogspot.co.il/2014/05/how-to-write-message-on-online-dating.html

4. Are you in a place to date someone seriously? Before you even sign up you should ask yourself: what do I want? Maybe you aren't really in a place to date someone; maybe you've just been through a bad break-up, or having issues with your health, maybe you aren't sure online dating is for you. Whatever the reason, if you are uncertain about what you want it shows. People can sense hesitation and it puts them off. You have to be sure that what you want is to meet someone- otherwise you are being unfair to them, and more importantly, unfair to yourself.

There is no middle-ground when it comes to dating services. If you don't put yourself out there, you aren't going to get any responses. Try thinking about it from another perspective: how likely are you to send a message to another dating-site member who has an empty profile and no picture? Would you respond to a message from a profile like that? Give yourself the best chance possible by filling out all of your info!

Disabled Terminology & Etiquette

How should you correctly refer to someone with disabilities? Why are some people offended by the words and terms used to describe them? What is the right way to approach & interact with someone who has a disability?

I am not disabled, I have disabilities. The word disabled is often used to describe who we are, not what we are, when it should be the other way around. It is the difference between the Social Model of Disability & the Medical Model of Disability. People use the word disabled as a definition;  to label us, & then to judge us. It's assumed that we are then incapable, and often ignored. I am not limited because I have disabilities. I am limited because of how disabilities affect me, how others treat me, & how the environment I inhabit is not compatible with such disabilities.

Should you use mentally challenged, mentally disabled or simply none of those at all. They are all insulting & grossly inaccurate. In the UK it is seen as acceptable to use the term learning disabled or learning disability. The term learning difficulty is also accepted. Personally what I have said earlier applies. If you are speaking generally then saying learning disability or difficulty is OK. If you are referring to a specific person then I would say that saying they have a learning disability is acceptable, or learning difficulties. Such a person cannot really tell us how they feel about such terms being used about them, I feel we need to be more aware of this & how we view them. 

Words are a powerful weapon, if used incorrectly they can cause offence, insult, injury or suffering.

How can you tell if someone is disabled or not? It is a sad fact that most people assume that if you are not in a wheelchair you are not disabled. If you can stand up reasonably straight then you are not disabled. If you can walk further than two steps you are not disabled. This has often lead to people who are genuinely disabled being treated very badly by some people. I do use a walking stick, I walk very badly, I cannot walk far or fast, and I have been verbally abused & even assaulted a few times. Some people have been viciously assaulted, and on a few occasions murdered. Why do people react like this? Is it just ignorance, is it evilness, or is it fear? Not all disabilities are as visible as others. Some disabilities are hidden. Just because I do not use a wheelchair does not mean I do not have disabilities.

Just because you cannot see or understand a certain disability, does not mean it is not real. Do not assume you know better than the person who has a disability. You do not have to understand something to accept it. Rejecting or ignoring is not only rude, it can make the life of a person with disabilities much harder than it needs to be. We cannot try harder it we want to, we try as hard as we can. We are not lazy, or using it as an excuse to get out of things, or to gain certain advantages, we have something that limits our abilities, or makes certain tasks impossible. Trying to pretend you have not seen someone who is disabled does not work, we can tell, it is so obvious. 

Just act normally, treat us as normal, we do not bite, what we have is not catching.

If a person with disabilities is with someone do not just talk to that person & ignore the person who has disabilities. Do not talk about them as if they are not there, or ask questions about them. Examples are asking how they are instead of asking them, or saying they are brave or they look well, etc. Speak to the person. However, do not pity them, or talk down to them, do not tell them they are clever because they can understand what you mean. Speak normally to them, do not assume they cannot comprehend. It is possible they could have a disability that affects their ability to understand what you are saying. In this case, you can adjust what you say, without having to talk down to them. Someone is not stupid because they are in a wheelchair, autistic, have Down syndrome, or any of the many conditions that affect physical or mental ability.

Related links: Disability etiquette , Invisible disabilities

Author Stepheninleeds

Copyright © Stephheninleeds

If you would also like to submit a guest-post to dating for disabled, please use our contact sheet: http://www.dating4disabled.com/pages/5

Why You Shouldn't Play Games on Online Dating Sites

We spoke in a past blog post on why it's so important to know what you want, and what you are looking for when it comes to approaching, and registering for online dating (you can read that post here), today we will talk about why playing games can be detrimental to finding love online.

Whether you're using a disabled dating site, or any other, these days days there is a lot of pressure to "play games". Playing games can mean playing it hard to get, waiting days to message them back on the site, or making your date jump through all kinds of strange hoops to prove themselves to you. 

The problem with this kind of behavior is that you may end up sending mixed messages, frustrating the person you are messaging, and losing their interest altogether. Now, this doesn't mean you shouldn't pace yourself, and take the time to think of a response, but you shouldn't purposefully take days to answer because some book told you to. 

If you signed up to an online dating site with the purpose of meeting someone for a serious relationship, and you've already stated that in your profile, then don't play games. There is no point to it, after all, you both have the same end game, so why even bother? If you like them, and feel like chatting to them, chat! If you both feel like it's time to meet up, then meet up. No book should dictate to you that three weeks is too fast while six is just right (unless they have some really good logic to back it up). If you met someone on dating for disabled that you like, and you feel they like you back, then go for it! Why waste time playing silly games that may end up spoiling your chances?

There really is no point messing around, and if you get the feeling someone else is, then stop talking to them! If you're using an online matchmaking site it's because you've made a decision that you want to meet someone, so don't waist your time on people you feel are worth it. But this can't be a double standard, you also have to make sure that you know what you're looking for, and aren't messing other people about while you figure it out! It isn't fair to them, and it isn't fair to yourself! 

For more dating advice, hit up our blog: http://dating4disabled.com/dyncpage.asp?pageId=31

Have a Great Week

Hey guys, I hope you all had a wonderful and restful weekend. Stay tuned for more blog-posts this week on disability, and disability dating advice. To read more, check out our website: http://www.dating4disabled.com/pages/74

How to Write a Message on an Online-Dating Site

The first step to finding a date on a disabled matchmaking service is knowing how to write a killer first message. The kind that will grab their attention, and get them to write back to you.

1. Never send out one word messages like "hi" or "sup?" They are just too short and impersonal. You're making it very hard for someone to write back to you. You will either get a message back "hi", or none at all. You want the conversation to flow, not to stunt it before it has even started!

2. Ask question. Questions are a great way to keep a conversation going, because it allows the person you are messaging to have something to write back to you about. Don't go over-bored and ask a ton of things; you don't want to make them feel like you're playing 21 questions. Just ask a couple so you can get the ball rolling, and get them talking.

3. Start off the message by writing your name: "Hi my name is Susan, I saw your profile..." Don't give them your family name for online safety reasons, but giving them your first name will make you seem more personable.

4. Be personal. Make sure to only message them after you've read their profile, and make sure to slip into the messages things about their profile. For example: "I see that you like to read, I'm reading Into the Wild at the moment, what about you?" In this kind of message you've given them a little personal info about you, shown them you took the time to read their profile, and started up a back-and-forth conversation.

5. Don't make remarks about their physical appearance. Don't write comments like: "I really like you're photo, wanna chat?" You are not only less likely to be messaged back, but you will also make someone feel uncomfortable. Stick to comments about things they have written in their profile, not their profile pic.

6. Always stick to positive language. 

7. Make sure it's not too short, but also not too long. It shouldn't be just two or three words, but you should also not be writing a novel! A paragraph is more than enough for a first message.

8. Keep things light and funny.

9. The conversation shouldn't only be about you. Make sure to incorporate questions for the person you are messaging. You shouldn't write three paragraphs about who you are, and then follow it up with a question. Make sure to keep a balance between talking about yourself, and being interested in the other person.

10. Stay away from copy-pasting generic messages (people can tell it sounds like a template), and never EVER use cliches.

Be nice, honest, and most importantly yourself, that will serve you much better than copy-pasting ready made messages.

Personalizing messages can take a little bit more time, and can get frustrating if you're not getting as many replies as you would have liked. But that said, if you've already made an effort to sign up to a disabled matchmaking service like dating 4 disabled, put the extra effort into the messages you send out. If you're serious about finding someone on an online dating site, you have to work on how you phrase messages, and put some thought into them before clicking the "send" button.

Do People With Disabilities Have Unfair Advantages Over Other People? By: Stepheninleeds

Guest post by: Stepheninleeds

Privileges of having disabilities Do people with disabilities have unfair advantages over other people? It is true to say that most people think that almost all people with disabilities have been granted entitlements & exemptions which they consider to be unjust to them, even excessively advantageous to people with disabilities. This includes such things as the Blue Badge & parking spaces, Welfare benefits, greater priority in council housing, etc. I could spend hours explaining why this is not the case. How can we make people understand that we do not have any advantages, & that we are in fact at a serious disadvantage? 

Blue Badge parking permit- is a myth that if you have a Blue Badge you can park anywhere you wish, for as long as you wish. There are some restrictions when using the Blue Badge; the rules differ from council to council. Yes, it is true that with a Blue Badge you can park, drop off or pickup someone in places which others cannot. But is this unfair to everyone else? The best way to explain this is to use some comparisons. Of course, using comparisons is not ideal in this situation, but it may help some understand better. Perhaps you have suffered a broken leg & found it very difficult to get around, walking from a car park, etc. Consider someone who may not have full use of one or both legs, permanently. We all know what it is like to have a very bad virus that restricts our breathing, causes aches & pains, etc. There are many medical conditions that can have similar, but more serious effects on a person. Some people find it physically impossible to walk more than a few steps, or where walking is extremely difficult & restrictive, and often painful. It can also be the case that such activity can be dangerous. Some people cannot balance, stand for long without falling, or cannot control their legs. Having a Blue Badge does not give us an advantage; it does not even make things equal. We are still at a disadvantage. Having a Blue Badge helps us to function better. Without it, many people would not be able to go to supermarket, into town, shopping centers, the doctor, hospitals for treatment, even to work, etc. 

Yes, many people with disabilities work. Welfare benefits firstly benefits related to disabilities, generally known as disabled benefits. Another myth, is that people who have disabilities are scroungers who claim benefits & live the life of luxury. It is not a luxury having a disability. The benefits we get are there to provide for our needs because of the disadvantages, because of the disability, not for us to live the life of Riley. Disabled benefits are given to help us with the daily activities that others take for granted; this can include help with getting in/out of bed, getting dressed, washing & bathing, going to the toilet, preparing meals, household chores, going shopping, getting to & from doctor/hospital appointments, providing for travel costs related to the disability, supervision, etc. 

So how come we can claim benefits other than disability benefits? These benefits are not just for people with disabilities. Anyone who is on a low income can claim them. Let me remind you that people with disabilities are not rich because we get benefits. There are strict rules on who can claim & how much they will get. It is an incorrect assumption that we all get every benefit & at the full rate. It is a fallacy that we waste this money on expensive cars, luxury food, designer clothes, the latest hi–tech equipment. Next time you consider it to be unfair think about how unfair it is to have disabilities. How unfair it is to have to rely on others to perform personal, and sometimes intimate tasks that we cannot. How unfair it is to face verbal or physical abuse. How unfair it is to be called a cheater, scrounger, liar, lazy? Author Stepheninleeds 

Copyright © Stephheninleeds

This post is a guest-post by: Stepheninleeds 

If you would like to submit a guest-post please email: office@dating4disabled.com or use the contact sheet on the Dating for Disabled site: http://www.dating4disabled.com/pages/5

Wishing you a Great Morning- D4D

Dating for disabled would like to wish you a wonderful day!

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Checking that Your Date Location is Accessible

Dating for disabled is an online matchmaking service for people with disabilities, and as such, you should take it into consideration when choosing a venue for your date (if your date uses a wheelchair that is). The first thing that's important to clear up is: what does wheelchair accessible mean? And how do I know if the coffee-shop/restaurant really is accessible. Because it might be a very embarrassing start to the night to show up for the date, only to discover to your horror, that the place isn't really accessible. 
Obviously, if you are in a wheelchair yourself ,you will know what places are accessible and what aren't, but if you're going on a date with someone who uses a wheelchair, here are some basic questions you should be asking. Note that sometimes it isn't enough to just ask if a place is accessible, because you might get a not very well thought out yes. In which case, don't be afraid to ask a few questions just to double check:

1. Does the place have a ramp as well as stairs? Make sure the waiter hasn't forgotten that one stair at the entrance. If the restaurant is ground level you should be OK.
2. Do they have a bathroom that is suitable.
3. Can you comfortably get from the door to the table (are the tables pushed together so tightly there is no room to get by them). If you are booking a table, be sure to not only ask if the place is wheelchair accessible, but that your table is as well.
4. If your date is showing up by car, make sure that the parking lot has allocated spaces.

Don't be afraid to be annoying on the phone! It's better to drive the person who answers the phone mad for two minutes, than show up with your date and discover they were wrong on the phone. 

Many local organizations for people with disabilities will list on their website the local establishments that are accessible. But just in case, call ahead to ask!

For more disabled matchmaking advice go to our site: www.dating4disabled.com

Is Online-Dating Socially Acceptable?

"Is Online-Dating Socially Acceptable?" Is a question that worries many of us while making the decision whether or not to sign up to an online matchmaking service (disabled or not). We are constantly worried about what will our friends or family think about us if we use online dating. We worry that it makes us look desperate, or pathetic. But let's examine this point for a second. Since social media took over our lives a few years ago, most of our interactions with our friends happen in virtual reality. We have forgone printing out pictures to put in photo albums, in exchange for virtual albums on facebook; because it's easier to share our pictures and lives that way. We make plans to meet up through chat. So if the bulk of our social lives and interactions happen online, then why is it  suddenly taboo or wrong to use a dating service for our love-lives?
The idea behind dating sites is that there are hundreds of people out there that can be a potential matches for us, but we have no way of meeting them. These are people that we don't have any friends in common with, we don't share the same hang-outs or yoga classes with them. They might be the potential love of our life but we will never meet them without the help of the internet.
The amazing thing about online matchmaking services, is that they can help connect us with lots of other people who are looking for the same thing. If you are serious about meeting someone and settling down, you can look for other people who want the same thing. If you would like to meet other people with disabilities, online matchmaking services like dating for disabled can help you make that happen.
People who do not use online dating cling to the saying: "I don't need online dating, I can meet people just fine in real life". But they don't realize that they are missing the point, it isn't always about whether or not you meet other singles in bars or through friends, it's about all of those people you are NOT meeting. All of those people who run in different social circles, or work and live in a part of town you never go. It's about what you're missing out on. Sometimes, serendipity just isn't enough! Sometimes you just have to take matters into your own hands and use an online dating site to meet all of those other people you have no way of running into in a bar.
Whether you are disabled or not, it isn't always easy to meet people to date seriously. Dating sites are just the means to an end, a tool that can help connect you with other singles. Just like you use twitter, facebook and other sites to connect with your friends, why not consider using a dating site to connect with other singles?

For more online dating advice go to our site: http://www.dating4disabled.com/pages/74

Come Register for Dating4Disabled for Free

How Much Does Dating for Disabled Cost?

Dating for disabled is a free disabled matchmaking service: signing up, sending messages, using the blogs and forums is completely free of charge. When we first started dating for disabled in 2005 the service was completely free, but to deal with the costs of storing and running the site we charge a small fee.

The more months you sign up for, the cheaper it is, if you would like more info on subscription fees, please click here: http://dating4disabled.com/user/payment

What do you get for your money?

When you get a paid subscription for the site, you are able to read an unlimited number of messages from other dating4disabled members. Moreover, any other D4D member that you message can read what you sent, irrelevant to whether or not they have a free point.

If you joined an online matchmaking service in order to find love, and you are serious about meeting other disabled singles, you should consider this as an option for you. It will increase your chances of meeting someone to date, and after all, that’s what you signed up for the site to do! The more you message back and forth with other members, the higher your chances of meeting someone and making a genuine connection.

If you would like to sign up for free: http://www.dating4disabled.com/sign_up

Come Connect With Dating 4 Disabled

Dating for disabled is available on every social media platform (for your convenience). So come check out our various social media pages!

Dating4Disabled: www.dating4disabled.com

Our FB: https://www.facebook.com/dating4d

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Topics You should Avoid on a First Date

First dates can be stressful enough without the added stress of actually having to talk to the other person. If you met on an online dating site, like dating 4 disabled, you've probably already got a few conversations under your belt, so in some regards it isn't quite like the classic blind date. But that said, you've never actually talked face to face (unless of course you've already skyped, in which case you're ahead of the game). But talking face to face isn't quite like chatting on a dating site; you don't have as much time to collect your thoughts, and think about your responses. You can carefully construct your words before hitting the"send" button, a privilege you do not have in "reality".

Here are just some ideas for topics of conversation you should probably avoid if you would like to keep things "light" on your first date. The reason for this is the objective is to get to know one another. If you end up arguing over politics you are NOT only not getting to know one another, but you may also end the date with a negative feeling.

   

Topics you should try and avoid talking about on a first date:

1. Exes. Don't talk about your ex wife or husband, about the last relationship that crashed and burned, or about how emotionally scarred you are. These are things you should talk about, but later on, not on a first date. 

If you've gone on a lot of online dating site dates, you can share some funny stories if you like. Funny stories are always acceptable, but try and not bring up your whole dating history. Sharing stories about bad dates is a great way to break the ice, but you also don't want to cross that line that will leave your date wondering if they are going to make the list as well. 

2. Politics, religion, or anything taboo. Look, if someone isn't of your religious denomination, or if they hold political opinions different to your own, and if for you that's a deal breaker, find this out ahead of time. After all, you've already been chatting on dating for disabled, find this out before agreeing to go on a date. 

Arguments like this can never end well, so just steer clear of them. 

3. Disability. If you both have the same medical condition or disability, then it is absolutely fine to bring it up. But if your date hasn't talked about it in person, or online, let them bring it up when they're ready to do so. The point of disabled dating sites is to allow you to have everything on the table, but some people still feel uncomfortable discussing the topic, or they would like to bring it up themselves when the feel ready. That is something that should be respected. 

4. Marriage and Kids. The great thing about dating sites is that you may have both listed in your profile that that is something you are looking for. But, you should still not jump the gun! The first few dates are meant so you can feel each other out and see how serious you both are. First you should see if you are even compatible, or for that matter, like each other. 

5. Anything that seems to make your date uncomfortable. Pay attention to the person sitting in front of you! If they seem awkward or tense because of a topic, change it! 

Don't talk about things that are taboo, elegantly change the subject if your dates looks uncomfortable, and you should be fine. Just get out of your head and focus on your date! If they look like they are enjoying the conversation, and having fun, they probably are! 

For more online dating advice visit our site: http://www.dating4disabled.com/pages/74